Charlie

Lately I have been really sad about how much Charlie's life has changed. No matter what the intention, poor Charlie seems to be the last in line-- another one of life's "I'll never..." He doesnt really have it too rough, after all he travels with us most places we go; he eats most all of Breck's meals; and we've gotten pretty liberal with his obedience. But, life certainly changed for him dramatically when Breck was born. So, today, I dedicate this post to my first boy.

Charlie, I love you because:

- you came into my life when I needed you most

- you forced me to hit the "reset button" and focus on what mattered most

- you are always so happy to see me, even on days where I dont reciprocate

- you're a gentle giant

- you let Breck do whatever he wants to you

- you never complain

- you protect us

Even when the house has more dog hair than it does food in the fridge, I love you. Even when the neighbor complained because we didnt pick up your poop for a week, it wasn't your fault. Even when you bark at the sight of people you've known for years, I love you because you're just being cautious. Even when you want to eat immediately and I'm starving too, I love you. Even when you once ate the corner of my wall, its only because it was the first time I left you. Even when you pretend not to hear me and run away, I love you. And even here, where poppa will be mad because you're chewing on his frisbees, I let you because I love you.

This is you today having fun. Lets do more of it.

Now, off this computer and back to playing.

The only time I've liked Dr. Phil

I can't stand Dr. Phil. For lots of reasons.

Tonight, tho, I gave it a shot when I saw the topic "Parenting Tips You Wont Want To Miss" 

I learned a few things:

1. Breastfeeding your kids when they're 6 is just wrong. And if you need to go on national television for someone else to tell you its ok to tell your daughter she's too old to suck on your boobs while you lay in your back yard hammock, then I guess this is why Dr Phil has a show.
2. You shouldn't hold your kids head and then let your wife try to shovel food down his throat. And, if you have to go on TV for someone to tell you thats not a good idea, then its another reason why he has a show. People apparently need him.
3. Its not nice to call your son "Chubby Monkey" and it doesn't take a genius to figure out then why he now doesn't like food.
4. If your child fights you at nighttime, its normal! Ok, I admit, this I needed to hear. I found myself taking a deep breath when Dr Phil charted what a child goes thru in the process of fighting sleep. The take away: eventually they get too exhausted to fight it; do all you can to resist going back in; know it might take hours. Over time (2 weeks or so) the behavior apparently stops. This I can try.

Oh, and while I'm posting. Good news- tonight I was "Mommy"

A thankless job

Motherhood that is.

I've been called Amy since Friday and slapped across the face 3 times tonight.

In his sweetest of moments I admit I get it "thank you Meme" (who's Meme?) but now "thank you Amy"

I wouldn't have it any other way. Unless I'm still Amy in a week.

Size 24 months

I've just packed up size 18 month clothes. In fact, the shirt Breck is wearing in my last post is already too small. Thank goodness for Sam- I can justify my new purchases knowing they go in the next batch box for him to wear!  Breck is growing faster than I expected.  I cant believe he is already 21 months old next week. The first year felt like a year. The second has flown by. He's talking so much. Growing into his own individual already. I look back at the thousands of photos Dave has taken and its hard to believe how quickly he changes- his face, his expressions, his body and his hair, which suddenly has become curly.

When he's 21, I will still kiss his cheeks like I do, I will still tickle the bottom of his feet when he's not looking, I will still attempt to snuggle him and do the hug pat. Yes, I will be that mom.

I love it when....

• I say "where's your nose?" and you stick your finger inside it
• You say shoes "soos"
• Your binky brings you sheer joy, and how you prefer the dark blue one
• You blow kisses to the grocery store clerk when we leave
• You spend more time yelling at Charlie to leave the kitchen when you eat, then you do eating
• That painful screech comes out of your mouth when you see a bird
• You hug everyone, and all your stuffed animals too
• You clap after I sing, the only applause I'll ever get!
• You bite the tips off of your crayons and then come to me to scrape your tongue
• You celebrate at the sight of your toothbrush
• You run to the mirror when we call you handsome
• I rub your back at bedtime and you tuck both arms tightly under your belly
• You race at full speed down the hall when daddy and I pick you up from school
• I realize you've been recording what I say and do, and now playing it back for me
• You spit on flowers when I say to smell them
• You growl at dogs
• I can hear you and daddy laughing in the other room
• You lay in your crib and talk to yourself before anyone comes in
• You grab my hand to walk
• You dance and somehow get us dancing, to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" on the fridge DJ
• You group hug me and daddy
  

Live in the moment (s)

Ok I knew it had been a while since my last post, but February?! I have moments throughout the week where I tell myself "ok I have to post this" but then another week goes by and another. Now proven its been months. Some are the key milestones, most of which I've now forgotten. Others are the "I am THAT mom" moments I swore I'd never.... And others just great times captured on film yet to be posted.

Highlights of my last few months:

- the legalization of my nephew, Samuel

- a couple's weekend, time alone with my hubby

- countless days and nights spent with friends and family

- watching Breck grow stronger and taller and more intelligent as his curiosity soars

- bickering and laughing with Dave, sometimes bickering about something so irrelevant, we just end up laughing

- keeping the balance between my 3 jobs- my career, mamahood, marriage

Mamahood is hard and exhausting yet I wouldn't trade it for the moon. The toughest moments sometimes crack me, then Breck will crack me up. It tests your spirit, your marriage, your independence, your patience. But if I've learned anything in the last 18 months its this: life is too short, with much more meaning now that I have a son. Too short to always be clean and tidy. Too short to stay mad. Too short to have everything planned out. Too short to worry that tonight we ate the worst frozen fish sticks for dinner.

As I told Dave last night, being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. And for as much stress as it can put on a relationship, for as little alone time or as little sleep as you never get, I wouldn't change it for a second.

Live in the moment. Be spontaneous. Let your house get dirty. Let your kids leave the house with a crusty nose. And always know that in these moments, there is indeed another mom doing the exact same thing.

No, move, no

Cute, scary and concerning all in one moment- the day Breck told ME "no"

I was giving Breck a bath and, as he always has been, he likes to stand and play in the tub. No sitting. But he's also into playing pretend. So the other night in the bath, Breck wanted to fill his plastic cup with water, set it on the ledge and then stir the water (a full cup of water) with his fingers. Knowing that one these times the water will spill over the tub and on the floor (something once done he'd find amusing), I decided to hold the cup while he stirred with his hand. This is what he did:

Grabbed the cup immediately with his hand, used the other to push mine away while repeating over and over "no, no, no, move, no, move!" 

Of course I had to attempt to hold the cup a dozen times to see if he'd react the same way. Each time it was the same response, "no, no, no, move, no, move!"

Cute and funny? Yes.

Scary? Indeed. 1) because he obviously learned this from me and 2) because we've entered the next phase.

Let the adventure of language and expression begin!

Meeting Samuel

Today is one of the best days of my life- meeting Samuel. He is so precious. So tiny. So sweet. I miss him already.

Holding Sam brought back so many memories, reminding me just how fast time flies by. Just a year ago Breck was his size.

A month ago I boxed up all of Breck's things saddened that they'd just sit in storage because he'd grown so fast. Little did I know on that day, that Samuel would arrive, patiently awaiting all of those things. It felt so good to share them. I cant wait for Breck to meet Sam.

Hope. Optimism. Change.

January 20, 2009

Today marks a historic day with the election of our first Black President, Barak Obama.  I am proud to be a mom today. Proud to raise a son in a country with renewed hope for a better world. I can't wait to tell him the story about this day when he is older.  Its important that Breck see the world as it should be, where color and race and religion and sex do not create barriers. In so many ways we are all so different but today we are all so much the same. 

Can you hear him laughing?

Barb told me a quote the other day, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans"

Each day I try to get up with a new perspective on life- to be realistic in what can be accomplished. The days of daily list making and crossing are over. Only to realize that today, maybe, one thing gets done. And, thats a good day when it does.

I just found the list I made last night for today. Confirmation I have not embraced my own new perspective!

- Call 3 people at work to discuss this deadline (realization this is about a 2 hr task)

- Change Breck's dr appt (done!)

- Call Alaska Airlines about getting Breck a seat (I keep thinking about it)

- Buy dog food (Ballard is so far, and with Breck how do I carry both to the car)

- Pick up paint samples (ok, dreaming)

- Buy diapers & coffee (I'll pay for this tomorrow at 6am, better yet, send Dave)

- Write and send my new work contract (sadly, this will be done as an afterthought)

- Download and then upload Quicken (maybe next month!)

- Work on the new biz pitch (got in an hour, will do more between 6-10 tonight)

- Yoga (class as the wrong time)

Well, the day is half done and one thing checked. If I listen closely I can hear him laughing.