No, move, no

Cute, scary and concerning all in one moment- the day Breck told ME "no"

I was giving Breck a bath and, as he always has been, he likes to stand and play in the tub. No sitting. But he's also into playing pretend. So the other night in the bath, Breck wanted to fill his plastic cup with water, set it on the ledge and then stir the water (a full cup of water) with his fingers. Knowing that one these times the water will spill over the tub and on the floor (something once done he'd find amusing), I decided to hold the cup while he stirred with his hand. This is what he did:

Grabbed the cup immediately with his hand, used the other to push mine away while repeating over and over "no, no, no, move, no, move!" 

Of course I had to attempt to hold the cup a dozen times to see if he'd react the same way. Each time it was the same response, "no, no, no, move, no, move!"

Cute and funny? Yes.

Scary? Indeed. 1) because he obviously learned this from me and 2) because we've entered the next phase.

Let the adventure of language and expression begin!

Meeting Samuel

Today is one of the best days of my life- meeting Samuel. He is so precious. So tiny. So sweet. I miss him already.

Holding Sam brought back so many memories, reminding me just how fast time flies by. Just a year ago Breck was his size.

A month ago I boxed up all of Breck's things saddened that they'd just sit in storage because he'd grown so fast. Little did I know on that day, that Samuel would arrive, patiently awaiting all of those things. It felt so good to share them. I cant wait for Breck to meet Sam.

Hope. Optimism. Change.

January 20, 2009

Today marks a historic day with the election of our first Black President, Barak Obama.  I am proud to be a mom today. Proud to raise a son in a country with renewed hope for a better world. I can't wait to tell him the story about this day when he is older.  Its important that Breck see the world as it should be, where color and race and religion and sex do not create barriers. In so many ways we are all so different but today we are all so much the same. 

Can you hear him laughing?

Barb told me a quote the other day, "If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans"

Each day I try to get up with a new perspective on life- to be realistic in what can be accomplished. The days of daily list making and crossing are over. Only to realize that today, maybe, one thing gets done. And, thats a good day when it does.

I just found the list I made last night for today. Confirmation I have not embraced my own new perspective!

- Call 3 people at work to discuss this deadline (realization this is about a 2 hr task)

- Change Breck's dr appt (done!)

- Call Alaska Airlines about getting Breck a seat (I keep thinking about it)

- Buy dog food (Ballard is so far, and with Breck how do I carry both to the car)

- Pick up paint samples (ok, dreaming)

- Buy diapers & coffee (I'll pay for this tomorrow at 6am, better yet, send Dave)

- Write and send my new work contract (sadly, this will be done as an afterthought)

- Download and then upload Quicken (maybe next month!)

- Work on the new biz pitch (got in an hour, will do more between 6-10 tonight)

- Yoga (class as the wrong time)

Well, the day is half done and one thing checked. If I listen closely I can hear him laughing.

Making Christmas

I cant believe its almost Christmas. Reflecting back on last year with Breck still so tiny has made me realize what a difference a year makes. Last year, Breck was bundled tight so we could go for a cold morning walk on Christmas day. This year he's practically walking, and all those clothes now packed in a box. Christmas with a baby is so much different. I look back on my favorite moments and memories as a kid and want nothing more than to create a collection of those for Breck. Its been such an exciting and yet surprising December. We bought our tree and decorated it. I love decorating the tree with Dave. I love that he gets into it, even if it might be just for me. I love that we can laugh where most people might get frustrated. I love that he compliments how good the lights look when I'm done with my OCD stringing process. And I love that we talk about the ornaments as we hang them up. There are a lot of things I cant remember but the magic of an ornament is that each has a story, and I can recall all of them. We did our 2nd annual trip to Swansons to see the Reindeer and the trains. I love this photo of Breck and Dave peeking thru to see the train set. I know next year Breck will be that much more excited. We went to the Special Santa event that Erin does. She's my inspiration. Another 2nd annual tradition, going to see Santa with the cousins. Erin and Catherine and I met in downtown Seattle with Ryan, Nicole, Megan and Breck. Dave met us this year too. While Santa was a nice man, Breck and Nicki both screamed. Someday that will the photo Breck laughs at when he's 18. Then my own tradition- 2 years now- making my mom's peppermint bark recipe.  Dave designed me a cool label and I packaged them up all fun. Felt good to make a gift, package it pretty and send to our distant relatives. And then finally, the snow fall. We've had record snowfall for about 18 years. Its triggered every emotion. First the anticipation and excitement. Then stress. Then joy. Then boredom. Then innocence. Now acceptance. 

Its still snowing out. 4 days of snow. 12 straight hours of constant snowfall. 2 failed attempts at shoveling our front entry. 1 Christmas packed full of lifelong memories.

I am thankful for the snow to give us the best gifts of all- time and a changed perspective.

Mama Kisses

"Don't wait to make your son a great man, make him a great boy"

Hearing Breck call me "Mama" for the first time had me speechless. Watching him unknowingly take his first steps out of excitement to hug me had me spinning him around in joy. Finally getting a response to "can Mama have a kiss" left me teary. Your eyes lit up, you giggled and you opened your mouth as wide as it could to lean into my face. You are a sweet boy. 

My new form of exercise- being a mom!

Breck is the busiest little boy I know. If only I had just one ounce of his energy! He literally never stops moving and can barely tolerate anything that confines him- the high chair, car seat, stroller, the shopping cart. He even wants to crawl and stand in the tub. Never a dull moment of downtime!

He has always been this way. Confirming to me that you're born who you are. When I was pregnant with Breck, he was SO active. Dave and I used to refer to him as the wild child. When I would go in for my check ups, the OBGYN would laugh when trying to hear his heart because mostly what you could hear was him moving around like crazy. When I was 9 months pregnant he'd roll and push inside my belly so hard it hurt!  I knew then he'd be busy, and that he is!

If there is one thing I've learned about motherhood its that we as moms were made to be resilient, tireless and one step ahead- always. Until its bedtime, then we crash hard. No matter how tired I am, I seem to find the tiniest bit of energy inside to mask it and keep up. And if I've learned anything, its never admit to yourself that you're tired or getting inpatient that they wont sit still long enough so you sit. The second you do this, the longer it takes to get back and center.

I've always wondered where he got this energy, Dave and I are both so mellow. But then it hit me. I can't sit still myself! I can't do anything without doing something else at the same time. So, I've been focusing extra lately on being in the moment, in HIS moment. Each time I get down on the floor to experience his world and turn mine off I realize why he is so active, so busy-- his world is so alive. Every day a new discovery, a new mission or a new challenge.

What I love most about his world today:

• observing him from afar. he is so confident, yet independent. he works on his skills when he thinks no one is looking. like standing, and walking and talking. when he realizes you caught him, he smiles.
• he plays with cars or anything with wheels and pushes them across the floor while making motor sounds.
• his sense of humor. he is always laughing, joking, or pushing your limits for a laugh. he is witty and wise already!
• that one look he gets on his face every so often. he squints his eyes and gives me a look like "what are you doing crazy woman"
• his routines: put him in our bedroom and he goes straight for charlie's water dish or the toilet flusher. put him in the office and he goes straight for dave's keyboard. the dining room- straight for my cookbooks. the hallway- straight for the bathroom. little does he know i am one step ahead!
• he drinks from a thermos, closes the lid and opens it. repeat.
• crawling with his head down so he can go faster.
• the speed of which he can empty a drawer or clear a shelf. stand up-open-dive in-toss-leave the room-repeat

And all of this in the first 10 minutes of the day. Exhausting? Yes. Would I have it any other way? No! Besides, its good exercise :)